Approach Anxiety with Woman

point of view of guy struggling to approach girl in shop in London

POV: frozen with nerves as you spot her in a shop.

Let's be real—approaching an attractive woman can feel terrifying.

Your heart races, your palms get sweaty and suddenly your mind goes completely blank. Trust me, I've been there too.

But here's the good news: approach anxiety is completely normal, and more importantly, it's beatable.

Why Do You Feel Approach Anxiety?

Approach anxiety comes from fear—fear of rejection, fear of embarrassment, fear of not being good enough.

These fears aren't logical, but they're powerful because they tap into our basic human need for acceptance and validation.

Recognising that these fears are common is your first step towards overcoming them.

The symptoms might show up physically—like a racing heart, sweaty palms, dry mouth—or mentally, like overthinking or going blank.

Changing Your Mindset

One major key to tackling approach anxiety is shifting your mindset.

Instead of thinking, "What if she rejects me?" think, "What if she likes me?" Your brain believes whatever you tell it repeatedly.

So, give it positive stories. Imagine interactions going well rather than badly.

Practical Steps to Beat Approach Anxiety

Start Small

Don't immediately jump into high-pressure scenarios.

Start by making small talk with strangers in everyday situations—baristas, cashiers, or fellow shoppers. These interactions help build your confidence naturally.

Have a Go-to Opener

Prepare a simple and natural opener to reduce the anxiety of what to say first.

It could be as easy as, "Hey, I noticed you and thought I'd say hi. How's your day going?" Keeping it simple helps keep anxiety manageable.

Breathe and Slow Down

When anxiety hits, your breathing becomes shallow. Take deep, slow breaths.

Calm breathing sends signals to your body that you're safe, reducing the physical symptoms of anxiety.

Try Hypnosis

This might sound a bit out there, but hypnosis can actually be a useful tool. It works by helping your subconscious rewrite the stories it's been telling you.

You might not even realise it, but a few short sessions—whether guided or recorded—can ease the tension and rewire your mental habits in a subtle but powerful way.

Read Books on Confidence and Mindset

Another underrated way to tackle approach anxiety is reading. There are tons of great books out there on confidence, mindset and social skills.

Sometimes just seeing your thoughts explained in a book helps you understand you're not alone—and that change is possible.

Plus, reading gives you tools and language that make real-world interactions smoother.

Accept Rejection as Normal

Not every interaction will go your way, and that's fine. Even the most confident guys face rejection regularly.

Remember, rejection isn't personal—it's part of the process. Each rejection makes the next approach easier and teaches you valuable lessons.

Practice, Practice, Practice

Like any skill, the more you practice approaching, the easier it becomes.

Confidence grows with experience. Every time you approach, you're improving—win or lose.

Celebrate Every Success

Did you say "hello" even though you felt terrified? Awesome—celebrate that.

Did you have a nice conversation, even briefly? Fantastic! Recognising your progress helps build confidence faster.

Approach anxiety doesn't disappear overnight. But with patience, practice and a positive mindset, you'll see significant improvements.

Remember, every guy who's good at approaching started exactly where you are now.

Iain Myles

Iain is an International Dating Coach for Men who’s coached 5,000+ guys and has over 360,000 followers worldwide. As the author of bestselling books at Kamalifestyles, he offers bespoke 1-on-1 coaching. His expertise has earned him appearances on BBC Radio, features in the Irish Examiner and over 100 million views on KamaTV.

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Approach Anxiety Symptoms

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